The Trials of Big Nutbrown Hare
by Lydian Stone
Summary: Castle had been nineteen once and he knew what idealistic endorphins were coursing through his daughter. He didn't begrudge her the feeling, or even that it was directed in an unfortunate direction, only that she was acting so rashly to prove to him that it was real. She was running headlong into a world of hurt and his only option was to let it happen.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own the rights to Castle or the children's book, "Guess How Much I Love You." This takes place the last scene of 'Time Will Tell.'

**The Trials of Big Nutbrown Hare**

For years he'd been convinced that Alexis was Meredith's in looks only; that his ex-wife's propensity to leave heartache and disappointment in her wake on a whim would only ever scar his daughter, not become her destiny.

Even if Alexis had been born a mini-Meredith inside and out, Castle would have loved her just as much as he always had. It's what fathers do. He might not have been as proud or had as many expectations perhaps, but love is separate from those emotions; it's ingrained and irrefutable. Alexis had earned his respect and pride over the years. He had marveled at her good judgment, her independence when he was extremely busy, and her ability to step in and care for him with cookies or hugs during low periods.

But, respect and pride were only the icing. Love was a given for any child lucky enough to be Richard Castle's daughter. She didn't have to ask for it at birth, just as she couldn't do anything to squelch it now.

Unfortunately for him, love often came at a price.

Kyra had cost him an idealistic belief that love conquers all. Meredith chipped away at his self-worth by proving that he wasn't enough to keep her devoted to him alone. Calculating Gina's cost was easy, he was still paying alimony and she had the ultimate power over his career. In all those situations he could point to his own flaws, what he could have done differently, what he had cost them as well. He walked away from each with a little less of his heart intact. With Kate he refused to keep score because he did love her thoroughly and they could forgive each other, throwing the metaphorical slate out the window. What they had was worth fighting for and he chose to make that love a reality. Once that choice had been made, he went all in.

There were only two women in his life whom he loved without having had a moment of decision, and only one whom he had never doubted would always make him proud. But in charting the cost of love, no one had the potential to shatter him nearly as deeply as his little girl.

Instead of a teen in a plaid uniform tackling mounds of homework and dreaming of changing the world through medicine, he saw the spitting image of her mother. The only difference was that Alexis knew better than to smile as though she wasn't flippantly casting aside the one man who had always loved, respected, and cared for her. The man who was trying to impart wisdom and who had always had her best interests at heart.

He didn't see the young woman he molded her to be. He saw Meredith, fleeing when things didn't go her way; acting impulsively without considering the long-term consequences of her actions. And what killed Castle was that the consequences that he worried about most would be hers to bear.

Alexis was emotionally investing in a man with no purpose in life, a free-loader who did not challenge her intellectually nor spur her on to be better. He wouldn't ever look for what was best for her education, her future. Tolerating the idiot for weeks had shown Castle enough of Pi's character to know that no good was going to come out of the relationship and that if it persisted it would only be because Alexis compromised all the essential parts of herself; the parts that she'd worked so hard to develop.

He knew his daughter was emotionally, romantically, and in all other irrational ways attached to this loser. He hated that the best-case scenario was that one day Alexis would wake up and the reality of her poor judgment would sober her. That she'd realize her life was going nowhere. She would have a broken heart like she'd never known and mourn that her fling with Pi was not going to produce anything more significant than a string of smoothies chock full of fiber. All while going through and divorcing her belongings from his and dividing 'theirs' into two piles.

This wasn't about a change of address, or Alexis spreading her wings; she had already lived on her own on campus. This was about her wanting to play house. She clearly hadn't thought this through practically since her arguments about finances were ridiculous. There was no way Alexis could ever qualify for work study with his millions and the security deposit alone for an apartment was more than they could drum up over months, even if they both worked above minimum wage jobs. No, to add insult to injury, he'd be expected to indirectly foot this charade. Now that his daughter was of age she probably would tap investment accounts he'd set aside for her education, her wedding, her future life.

Alexis' defiance amounted to nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction, which proved a grim point. The point being that despite a lifetime of living by personal convictions about how others, especially family, should be treated, apparently one can become calloused and selfish and lose sight of who they had been all their lives. Whether it be from a sudden onset of unfortunate genetics, inhaling too many banana fumes, or contracting an obscure South American virus that causes its victim to lose sense, it didn't change the fact that Alexis was determined to go, just like her mother always had been. But unlike Meredith, who never considered Castle to be more than a bit of fun, Alexis was gambling the most important relationship of her life to prove this absurd point.

She was going to do what she wanted and she was going to rub it in his face.

Castle had never seen stronger evidence for the existence of a pod person. The only question was if she had been switched in South America, in that cage in Paris, or before that and this bizzaro-Alexis had been lying dormant in her room all school year waiting to strike.

Maybe he should have checked under her bed twice.

Either way, his little girl was strutting out the door.

God help him, he loved her enough to give her the freedom to leave. She walked out without the courtesy of even a kiss on the cheek to soothe his pain as he agonized over just how much the move would ultimately cost her.

One thing he knew for sure was that no matter what, he would always love his baby bird right up to the moon . . . and back.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I hadn't intended on continuing this, but after the way Get A Clue ended, this is the only way I can think to put an end to the Alexis/Castle tension. I only hope that the next episode doesn't end on another down note. It's starting to get depressing. This takes place right after the episode.

I think Alexis is too far gone on this that I can't see her suddenly humbling herself to apologize. This is what I think is a realistic view of what Castle would do in order to just move past it since Alexis won't see reason. Is it what I'd ultimately like to see? No, but I think this might be best case scenario

Thanks to you, Blue252, for letting me beta bomb you with random fics. Of course I got on a rephrasing kick after all your hard work so I claim all subsequent errors.

**Big Nutbrown Hare Makes it Right**

The door slammed shut.

He was left feeling so very lost. He had been judgmental during dinner and should have tried to stick to the positives; although, he was reaching deep to try to find what he could have said that would have been both positive and honest. In his protective parental mode he wanted to say that he was being judgmental based on a month's worth of data. That this wasn't about the way Pi looked, that he only ate fruit, or even that he had a job counting bees. He actually found it fascinating that there was such a job and coming from anyone else he wouldn't have thought it to be so lowly. No, his poor opinion was about the lack of respect the young man showed, not just to him, but also to Alexis, for not even trying to make a good impression on her family.

He remembered the months that he spent trying to impress Kyra's mother. He had done everything within his power to get it right. He was respectful, he outlined his ambitions and what he had accomplished as evidence that he would be suitable husband material, and treated Kyra like a princess. He had bent over backwards not because he cared for her mother, he didn't, but because he loved Kyra and would never want to create friction in her family.

There was plenty that he couldn't change about his situation then. He had been young with an apartment only slightly more appealing than Alexis and Pi's. He hadn't had a career with a consistent salary, even though he had been off to a respectable start. He had asked Kyra to move in with him probably prematurely; they had been dating for six months at the time. So, on the outside he could swallow that there were parallels to be drawn on externals.

If it were just those factors, he'd like to think he'd be more gracious. No matter whom Alexis lived with, his stomach would still clench at the thought of his daughter sharing a bed with anyone. But, if the man was someone who he thought truly loved her, not this whirlwind relationship that would no doubt burn out as quickly as it started, then he could muster up some restraint for Alexis' sake.

As it was, Alexis had moved in with Captain Fruitarian who had a better chance of getting stung by a radioactive bee than actually being her soul mate.

He wasn't as callous as his daughter thought. He had been nineteen once and he knew what idealistic endorphins were coursing through her. He didn't begrudge her the feeling, or even that it was directed in an unfortunate direction, only that she had acted so rashly to prove to him that it was real. What hurt the most was that she basically accused him of being the catalyst for her launching into a shortsighted living arrangement.

He should have called her before he proposed. He should have. But she was in Costa Rica living her own life and his engagement had been hastened by circumstance. He still should have remembered that while he had been nineteen once, she had never been forty-four. She didn't understand the world of hurt he foresaw for her and how his lack of affection for Pi stemmed from wanting the best for her from the moment he held her tiny form on the day she was born. She didn't remember his promises to keep her safe, she didn't see how utterly dependent she was on him or how those blue eyes trusted him so completely for years upon years. She didn't understand that while Meredith's rejection had hurt her, it had pained him more for having to watch his little girl suffer and not be able to do a thing about it.

The harsh reality was that she wasn't primarily his little girl anymore, rather she was in transition; trying to create a life in this world as her own woman. She put on an independent face but he should have remembered that even though she often acted more than her years, she wasn't more than her years, younger at times when he least expected it. Until now those moments had been more sweetly innocent; holding his hand when they were walking to school when she was fourteen and afraid to give a speech, kissing his cheek no matter who was around both in high school and college, preferring Disney movies to Twilight. Just last year she'd asked him to check under her bed for monsters.

Now she doesn't need _him_, just his unilateral agreement that she's right.

She's not.

It's an argument he'll never win. He knows because he was nineteen once and was 'right' about a lot of things.

Now he's forty-four.

As Alexis had faced him down in the doorway all he could see was his little girl, ten years old and banning him from her bedroom because he had embarrassed her while chaperoning a school trip. He deserved it then but he couldn't help mocking the tour guide who wheezed when he spoke and whistled every 's'.

Not his finest hour.

Now she's banning him from her life unless he admitted what? That he likes the guy who's clearly annoyed him since day one while Alexis seemed to enjoy watching the daily torment? That Alexis' relationship is _anywhere_ near comparable to his and Beckett's? That he shouldn't be with Beckett without her approval; or that since he is he should have no opinion on her relationship with Pi? He seemed to remember Alexis actually liking Kate, respecting her, asking her for advice. Granted the past few years their relationship was a bit rocky at times, but not so much so that the foundation should be so decimated because he didn't ask for Alexis' approval to propose. He didn't think so, but it had been a long time since he was nineteen.

What do to for damage control? Ice cream was no longer in his arsenal and this was certainly not the time to sweeten the deal with laser tag.

He couldn't undo what he had said at dinner. He couldn't deny his scrutiny of Pi; she knew without a doubt how he felt. Subtlety was not his forte.

Maybe he should have tried to relate during dinner, saying how he remembered his first dumpster dive for mismatched chairs rather than cringing that they might have germs from diseased rats and his little girl shouldn't be living amongst rat germ infested furniture. Maybe he should have thought of Pi as a source, asking him the ins and outs of bee protection and the ecological implications of them.

Maybe . . . maybe . . . maybe.

It was all a moot point. The real question was what to do after getting evicted from his daughter's life, at least until he decided to behave. None of his normal tactics had worked. He asked Kate but she seemed to be taking this in stride. As much as he loved her, she wasn't Alexis; had never been Alexis. It sounded like Kate had been born defiant but by the time she was nineteen she was dealing with so much more than a broken heart. It was no wonder she didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation.

He had never pitied Jim Beckett more.

Alexis wouldn't be nineteen forever. If he wanted to walk her down the aisle when she was twenty-four or hold his first grandchild the day he or she was born when Alexis was twenty-eight, then he had to meet her where she was at nineteen. He had to take a longer view so that when Pi did break her heart she would be okay knocking on his door, crying on his shoulder, instead of avoiding him because she'd fear the biggest "I told you so!" of her life. He would never do that to her. He would always be waiting with open arms but the question was whether they would ever be filled with her again. Right now he feared that answer.

Richard Castle put down his keys, opened the freezer, and scooped out one dish of ice cream. He opened the drawer and hesitated before taking out only one spoon. He took out several sheets of paper and a pen. He knew Alexis wouldn't open the door to him, so there was only one way to get through to her. He poured over a letter for hours, telling her everything that was in his heart, everything he wanted her to know.

He read it through and while it was eloquent and got his feelings across, it just didn't seem enough. In the past month he'd been poisoned and shot, but neither of those hurt as much as being closed out of his daughter's life and he had only one chance to make it right. He didn't approve of her behavior towards him, nor did he approve of Pi, but he knew his daughter and the only way to get past it was to let the situation with Pi ride out and make sure she knew he would be safe ground when the dam broke. He'd love for her to apologize for all the ways she had hurt him, but she was too blinded to see that she was in the wrong. No, it was up to him to resolve the tension.

He could have acted better at dinner. It might be small potatoes in comparison but it was a place to start. He remembered the advice she had given him years ago about apologies. He tore up the six pages, got out one sheet of paper and simply wrote,

_Dear Alexis,_

_I love you so very much._

_I'm sorry._

_With All My Heart,_

_Dad_

She's not right, he's not wrong, but she would be forty-four one day and then she'd understand, but at nineteen, reason would not win her over.

He would slip the note under her door in the morning, right after he bought a book about the ecological significance of bees.


End file.
